The Joy of Medication ( part one)

They don't say finding the right mix of medication is easy as pie. No far from it. In fact, the sling is "finding the right cocktail." A week ago I had an experience that reminded me why I get so scared when I am told I need a new medication. Every horror story where the person becomes a zombie or lunatic runs through my head. So why would I be open to trying something new?

For the last two years, the medication I was using just wasn't cutting it. I started fighting a physical depression and anxiety attacks. I didn't even really know what was going on tell my physical body could barely move from the depression physical depression. The VA Dr. in Sacramento tried to up the medication, but found it just made me a hot mess. She then added Lorazapam for the anxiety attack. I don't remember this really helping, but it did ease some of the pain. But in the long run, it stopped even doing that probably a year later.

Flash forward... I am here in Oregon, been seeing a great doctor who is very logical, and has me dialog many of my ups and downs. First thing he did was take me off the Lorazapam. he explained this should have never been part of my daily bases. More just to be used when the anxiety attacks where active. He then explained that he found it really isn't what bipolar people are needing for anxiety attacks. He wanted me to try a larger amount of the Lamotragin. What! Wait! But what about "hot mess"? She makes a lot of havoc in my life and i was just getting settled. It was explained that this was normal for the first few weeks, and he would bet that I just didn't wait long enough. 

He was right, until we went to full dose. >.< It was like oh wow I feel like i can breath and clear headed. It was like this for a month. I still had struggles, but all in all I was thinking we might have hit something.

AND THEN SNAP! 

She came out raging out of control. 

To be continued...