Welcome...

Well, hi. So yea, I'm Bi-polar. No one would know if they first met me. I have a job that I have had for 4 years, I have a well adjusted kid, live on my own and pay my own bills. Oh and did we mention I have been going to school and a single parent? It is alot. At times, it is too much. But being someone just meeting me, you would still never know that on top of all that I have a mental condition that effects me day in and day out.

I was diagnosed Bi-polar soon after giving birth to a beautiful daughter. As normal, their first thought was postpartum depression. This was quickly fixed when they realized the medication was creating me to be an irritable bitch. My poor husband at the time. I am sure at some point he felt like he was loosing his mind too. So once I was diagnosed BP, I was put through 4 years of medication adjustment. At one point, I was taking four different kinds, because each to help the side effect of another. Through that time of no sleep, too much sleep, feeling worse, not feeling at all, or spending money like it was water, I ended up in a psych-ward three times.

Wow, there I said it. There are people who are really close to me who didn't even know that, but I have to be completely honest here. Why? Because you can't possibly understand what things go on to someone with Bi-polar if I don't tell the stuff I try to keep even from myself. This was part of the ugly.

Finally after a divorce and the ending of an engagement with a second guy, I stopped all my medication. And yep, all the confusion in my head just went away. I learned many more holistic ways of healing myself. The biggest being just take time to take care of myself. (You'll find out in a different post this isn't always so easy.) I moved to Ashland, OR to finally be close to my family again, and really got my shit together. My daughter lived with her father, so it was pretty easy going to school and take care of myself. After about two years, anxiety started controlling my life again. It took me three visits before I realized the nurse I was blessed with knew exactly what she was doing and really did care. So I went back on medication. Slowly and on a very low dosage.

I have been on this same medication for about 5 years now, and am just now going back for an adjustment.

So this is my story, there will be more to come. More details, more feelings, and hopefully for both the readers and I a clearer idea of what is going on to those who deal with this diagnoses everyday. I am hoping to use other's stories as time goes on, since one perspective never gives a fully rounded view. I also want it noted that I have studied mental illness in both a hobby format and in college, since psychology is an interesting complex study just ready for all the questions I have. I am no expert! And no where will I say I am. Nor will I ever diagnose or tell you what you should do. And more then anything, I believe we should all become fully informed, but also know that Doctors do have our best interest in mind.

I also encourage others to post, but there are limits. This isn't an open forum, so criticism is limited. But support is always encouraged. In a way this is a safe haven. I will be opening up thoughts and feelings that i keep under a VERY BIG LOCK, and I want others to know they are safe to do the same.

So, Welcome.... this should be interesting. Oh and ps... I know I am rusty in my sentence flow, so please be forgiving. :D