Yesterday, I was waiting for a tow truck. (Yes, the new car is having issues and finally broke down when I had money.) So while waiting, I decided to be productive and attack the pile of clothing on my couch. It was a shirt. Just one shirt... fold one... fold two... put on couch. My arms became lead and thinking of pushing through the fatigue was too stressful with everything else going on.
This is no biggy for a normal person, but it tears me apart not being able to finish a basic activity as folding clothes. I even remember a time when clothes folding was my place of Zen. The processes of folding clothes and not required to think of anything but breathing and folding made the task easy to meditate in the presence.
Even with the stress of the car, I was in a good place. A dear friend was there to support me in getting the car stuff done and just enjoying each others company. So why the physical reaction? Well for the last couple of months I have realized that I have been dealing with a slow spiral down with physical depression. Folding clothes is just the basic of them all. I'll get spurts of energy, so I didn't realize how exhausted I had become by just doing everyday stuff.
The hardest part is I know what I need to do to be able to have that energy again. It's exercise, but the irony is I have no energy to do even that. Can you imagine trying to walk if I can't even finish folding a pile of clothes? Yea. :S
I did go to the doctor two months ago for medication change, since I knew I was off. But unfortunately the medication had an adverse reaction with my body. I will be hitting the pavement for another kind come Monday. But until then, I have to work through everything.
My blessings right now.... I don't have school, so I am able to only have to worry about work, my car, and my daughter starting her first year of Jr. High.
Namaste to all you wonderful readers.
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