Back to Real Life

I want to say my taking a break from blogging was for a good reason. I wish the reason was life got so busy with exciting things. Or maybe, I found the love of my life like an annoying romance novel. Sadly, none of these are the reason. The truth would be a mix of social anxiety, and a detour on the path. 

The social anxiety really took a strong hold at the end of 2013 when I got pneumonia and bronchitis. I spent the holidays and a few months after alone. Too scared that my family or friends would catch it, I kept to myself watching one too many documentaries and every series I had on my que. Being extremely bored and lonely, I found myself interested in seeing how the world of IMVU was. 

For those of you who don't know what IMVU is, it is a virtual world where people can role-play or just enjoy meeting other people through avitar form. It is easier described as like WoW without the game. Or what I always say, "a glorified chat room." I enjoyed getting to decorate rooms, being able to play music for others to enjoy, and making my avitar a form of myself. It is all a fantasy, but a nice fantasy to live when seclusion was taking it's tole. 

Around April of 2014, I found out my brother passed away. It hit me harder then I expected. He was too young to take his life. I could feel his pain, because I too have fought the demons. His pain was real for me.  The feeling of being so lost that death was the only option. These feeling left me even more internal, and sure that no one would understand I found solus in IMVU. 

I finally got to a place where I thought I could breath again, but soon caught whooping cough instead. This was ugly and long. Coughing, puking and no controle of my body left me too weak to do much. This lasted for a couple months. Even when I thought I was getting better, it lingered for sometime after. I, again, hid away not wanting anyone else to catch this nasty illness. 

If you kept track, your realizing that we are into fall of 2014 now. I had come accustom to living in my home and never leaving. My friends and family stopped seeing me more and more. I even think they were kind of shocked when they did get to see me. Sadly, these interactions were hard for me as there was always an on going anxiety attack. 

I am not sure if it is the social anxiety or the fact that IMVU had become part of my real life that has me wondering how I got here. What I do know is that I want something more then making pretty cyber furniture and living a cyber life. But, it has been so long that I don't know what I want. I just know I NEED to get healthier and to live life to the fullest. Something I told myself I would do while mourning my brother's death. It might be two years later, but I am pretty sure it's never too late to keep that promise. Now if I could just figure out how to live a real life, and where to start.