The Joy of Medication (part two)

So yea, she is back. Irritable bitch who can't do anything because my mind was racing a thousand miles with no energy to do anything. Let me say... when I am in this state, I have learned to not really be a social butterfly. Trying to buckle myself in for school was hard enough.

I went back to the doctor, on my regular scheduled appointment three weeks after starting and two weeks of living as a bitch. I explained the situation that I cannot go on like this. I would rather go without medication even though I know that wasn't an option.  I was just not ok with hurting others.  I deal with my own battles, and no one else should have to.

While on the conversation, we mentioned the 15 lbs weight gain that happened over the month. I know this sounds odd, but I wish I could say it was from lack of exercise and eating. It would make the weight gain easier if it was. But, I had started walking every other day to pick my daughter up from play practice, started drowning myself in water, and eating healthier from lack of options around the college. What really made the doctor realize the issue was when I mentioned I use to be 180 before even starting the Lamotragin.

The doctor gave me a couple options, but he wanted me to start trying Ziprasidone while lowering my Lamotragin.  He gave me some side effects to keep an eye out for about blood pressure, but mostly the others will subside in a couple days. I was OK with it all, and left with hope that we might have found something new.

A week later on a Friday night, I find out that this isn't going to be that easy. I had just gotten the new medication and popped a pill down right before bed. Within a few minutes, I was knocked out cold. This wouldn't be such a bad thing as sleeping is one of my biggest issue. It is the waking up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, and instead find your self leaning on the wall from a spinning dizzy episode. I was still spinning after making myself erect, and had to slowly walk back to the bed while still propping myself up on the wall. Scary, to say the lease, when you have no control on what your body is doing. 

The next morning, or should I say afternoon, I woke to find that my body wasn't going to do much of anything. It was like gravity was winning in getting the battle of who had control of my body. I got up to help with something, and found myself fall on the stairs from becoming dizzy. This continued for two days when i finally said "no more". I put the Ziprasidone on the shelf, and decided we will visit this again. For now, I had homework and a daughter to take care of. 

Side note: I was and am still taking Lamotragin at the lower dosage. Also, after talking to the doctor this week, we have both agreed to wait tell I am done with this quarter. Also, don't ever just stop medication without consulting your doctor. Many drugs can cause side effects that put you in the hospital if not tapered off correctly. As for now, I am stable. 

The Joy of Medication ( part one)

They don't say finding the right mix of medication is easy as pie. No far from it. In fact, the sling is "finding the right cocktail." A week ago I had an experience that reminded me why I get so scared when I am told I need a new medication. Every horror story where the person becomes a zombie or lunatic runs through my head. So why would I be open to trying something new?

For the last two years, the medication I was using just wasn't cutting it. I started fighting a physical depression and anxiety attacks. I didn't even really know what was going on tell my physical body could barely move from the depression physical depression. The VA Dr. in Sacramento tried to up the medication, but found it just made me a hot mess. She then added Lorazapam for the anxiety attack. I don't remember this really helping, but it did ease some of the pain. But in the long run, it stopped even doing that probably a year later.

Flash forward... I am here in Oregon, been seeing a great doctor who is very logical, and has me dialog many of my ups and downs. First thing he did was take me off the Lorazapam. he explained this should have never been part of my daily bases. More just to be used when the anxiety attacks where active. He then explained that he found it really isn't what bipolar people are needing for anxiety attacks. He wanted me to try a larger amount of the Lamotragin. What! Wait! But what about "hot mess"? She makes a lot of havoc in my life and i was just getting settled. It was explained that this was normal for the first few weeks, and he would bet that I just didn't wait long enough. 

He was right, until we went to full dose. >.< It was like oh wow I feel like i can breath and clear headed. It was like this for a month. I still had struggles, but all in all I was thinking we might have hit something.

AND THEN SNAP! 

She came out raging out of control. 

To be continued...